Friday, July 13, 2012

Happy Birthday sweet Sienna

Tomorrow - July 14 - my precious Sienna turns 3.  Still my baby, but not a baby anymore ya know?  3 years ago tomorrow morning was just another day.  I had a dr. visit scheduled but my due date was still a couple weeks away.  When I got tot he dr. I was told to walk right on over to the hospital next door and check in.  I had no amniotic fluid left and so labor would need to be induced. 
I was so nervous and excited.  I would be meeting my daughter soon!   There was so much I didn't know at that point.  So much I would learn. 
My labor was fairly easy and uneventful.  I could hardly believe I had a daughter.  She was so small, so beautiful.  My mom brought Sienna's 3 brothers to meet their new sister.  During that 1st visit was when my life turned upside down.  The pediatrician came.  He gave us the news.  Right there in front of my mom and my boys.  I'll never forget that feeling and to be completely honest those memories are still raw and painful.  Things went downhill from there.  Sienna had to be transported to the Children's Hospital by ambulance as she was having trouble keeping her oxygen up and maintaining her temperature.  They took my baby away.  Thad followed along to be with his new daughter.  I was alone.  I have never felt more alone.  More sad.  Crushed.  Devastated. 
I am ashamed of some of the things that ran through my mind those early weeks.  Personal, painful thoughts.  I also wanted to change her name.  "Sienna Hope" was the name we had picked out for our little girl.  The little girl of my dreams.  The Sienna that was born was not the little girl in my dreams.  Yes, I thought she needed a different name.  How foolish I was. 
3 years ago one of the best things in the world happened to me.  I had been given a most precious gift - although I didn't realize it for some time.  Sienna IS the daughter of my dreams.  My sadness over her diagnosis of down syndrome has changed lots.  Do I still get sad?  YES.  It is hard at times to see children similar in age - or worse - younger - doing things she isn't.  But you know what?  I have learned it is ok.  So what if she isn't where other children are?  I am immensely proud of her and her accomplishments.  My biggest sadness comes from the thoughts that other people will not give her a chance, will not appreciate the beautiful person she is.  I worry others won't really "see" her, they'll just see her disability.  Sienna is amazing.  I am so in awe of her.  She is just so full of sunshine and joy and stubbornness, and love.  Pure simple love.  She loves with her entire heart and soul.  I am sad that society won't see her that way.   I pray that people give her every chance she deserves.  She has something great to teach.  I am learning every day.
Happy Birthday sweet Sienna.  I am so thankful that you are my daughter.  My life is better because you are in it.

1 comment:

  1. She is Beautiful inside and out. When I see her all smiles heading to Nursery she makes MY day!